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How to Manage Complicated Relationships

Updated: Jun 13, 2021

Division | M.A.T.H. (Making Adjustments Towards Happiness)

Division is the act of distributing a group of things into equal parts.

In math, division works to distribute numbers equally, sometimes we have numbers leftover or “remainders”. In life, division requires a more detailed look at things, activities or people

in our lives to determine what has value.

We discussed how to add & subtract things from our lives, but life is often more complicated and our relationships need further evaluation. This is what a “remainder” looks like in M.A.T.H., taking more time to evaluate and repurposing aspects of your life for a later date to become manageable parts of our life.

Let’s get to the M.A.T.H!

First we have to define the role everything plays in our lives when it comes to division to be able to divide correctly as we Make Adjustments Towards Happiness.

The number which is divided is called the dividend.

  • These are aspects of you, your time, and your life as whole (social life, personal or professional etc.)

The number which divides is called the divisor.

  • This is what’s required of you: time, talent, money, attention required, energy, brain power.

The number which is the result of the division is called the quotient.

  • This is how you want your life to look, your goals and preferred outcome.

If there is any numbers leftover, it is called the remainder.

  • These are smaller parts or aspects of your life that require further inspection. These are the grey areas of your life that exist that serve some importance, but don't necessarily bring you closer to your overall goal or preferred outcome.

In division, we can hang onto parts of relationships or circumstances without including or excluding the whole thing.

Division is about redefining the things in your life so that it makes the most sense for where you are right now!

The difference between division and subtraction is that in subtraction we have determined the relationship to this person, habit or activity is doing more harm than good. It's parasitic, cancerous and potentially deadly. While in division, you're cutting away a piece of something and allowing something new to naturally form in its place. By nature, the absence of something produces something else.

Division is recognizing something is overgrown and instead of removing it, you're just splitting it and replanting it or repurposing it somewhere else. That remainder says “ I'm gonna put this off to the side. I don't have to deal with you right now, but I have the ability to pick it up again and use as much energy as I deem relevant.

How do you know what to divide?

  1. Review your Ecomap: Do a deeper analysis of the quality of relationships and interactions you have. Everything that feels good isn’t good for you. Pay very close attention to the energy flows as you look to divide.

  2. Formulate a Pros and Cons List: Start looking at the value added or what they do or what this activity does for your life. Then, measure it against what you want in your life and determine if you want or need that type of energy to reach where you want to go.

  3. Manage your expectations: When people show you who they are, believe them. Accept the nature of the relationship then adjust accordingly in ways that make sense for you.

FOR EXAMPLE: You’re seeing someone who isn’t the typical partner, they don’t take you on dates as often as you would expect someone of that title too, they’re present and a strong loving person who fills some of the holes that need to be filled.

Examine what you need out of this relationship right now. If you just want someone who shows up for you, but don’t need the relationship fanfare, this person is the remainder of your division.

A remainder is what's left over when everything does not divide equally. We can decide for ourselves that work, making money, self-actualization is more important than a stereotypical relationship and the role this person plays is exactly what you need right now. At a later date, as you grow and life changes, reevaluate that remainder.

Remember, this is an ongoing process that requires growth, as change becomes the constant. When we find ourselves feeling like we are changing and growing, the people, activities, and things in our lives are bound to change. Division allows you to avoid complete subtraction of these, but repurpose to mirror what you need as you grow.

“Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time you grew side by side; roots forever entangled. Which is meant to be cherished”


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